Congratulations, You Found My Sunglasses!
Why is the sun is so bright?! Like the Baby Sun in the hit children’s show Teletubbies, it smiles upon us with its rays shining as brightly as laughter. Oh what joy! But, that joy comes with sorrow.
Our eyes are not fit for such decadent brightness. We must shield ourselves from the great sun god’s loving shimmer. We need glasses, in praise of the sun. Sunglasses.
So, here we are. Now. Together. You found them. You found Sunglasses. They aren’t just any Sunglasses, you found My Sunglasses. My Sunglasses have UV protection and invert colors. Perfect for the party, the beach, or a day at the office! I leave them places and give them away for free. I think it’s fun and you should think it’s fun too because now I command your thoughts.
You went to this website, didn’t you? Think about it. Well, this has been great for me and for you. I’m proud of you. Good work today.
Donate however much money you think these glasses are worth. I will take that money and do the following:
Give it to charity
Give it to random people on Venmo using a random name generator.
Take a small percentage (20% or less) to cover the actual cost of the sunglasses, because capitalism.
Just give all your money away. It will feel good, but don’t just take my word for it! Ask your local religious leader, they will tell you the same thing. I promise.